Happy 10 months

My short 10 month message to her...

"Happy 10 month Monthsary. I hope you liked my contribution to your car. My life, I devote to you. Money is not important to me, so I give it all to you. Hoping you find happiness in my efforts for you.

It’s moments like these, I reflect on the time we’ve had together and I don’t regret one bit, spending all this time with you. You mean so much to me... I wish you could only see. I hope our love keeps growing.

I hope we stay together forever, I love you babe."

Where one falls, the other can lift

It took me a whole night and day to reflect and contemplate... about the things that I have done. I have had little sleep, thinking about all the wrong I've done, just constantly thinking about it.

I had done something that had seriously damaged the relationship I had with her. Trust is something that is built with time. It's something that is really hard to build and a lot of effort is put in to it. I had put all that in jeopardy.

There was a lie. If it were just a simple lie, it would not have hurt this much and it was indeed a serious one.

I had a lie from the start.

The trust she had for me I had built was shattered... I had fallen. It was as if the whole relationship were a lie. Right from the start... there was a lie... an ugly, ugly lie.

I became the lowest person on earth. I felt so guilty... so pathetic, to hide something like this to her. My only wish was for her to forgive me.

And she did.

She gave me the benefit of the doubt. I have now become but almost a stranger to her. All the trust but gone, leaving just a fragment of hope for me.

That tiny fragment, I must now hold on to. I must re-kindle what was lost, starting anew.

Yet... all these feelings for her, I've held for her all this time has not changed. I love her still, am I worthy of her? I hope so...

Moreover, that fact that she's forgiven me has made me love her so much more, to give her the much needed respect, I didn't give by lying to her.

I had fallen... and she has helped me back up. I am determined to prove to her that my love for her is pure. That all this time I really did love her.

I love this girl so much. She means the world to me. I hope she has it in her to completely forgive the wrong I've done to her.

She is my angel, who has helped me so much. I love her so much, despite what she thinks of me now. I know words will not suffice and actions speak louder.

Only time will tell. But I really hope all goes well.

She makes me smile and I hope I can get back... her beautiful smile I love.

- 26/08/2011

I learn something about her everyday

So once again, before I sleep... I contemplate on what to write. My mind is flooded with many thoughts only about her, anything related to her. The first thing that comes to mind is... well I’m back to university, back to study, back to being unable to see her whenever I feel like. The first few weeks back, will be fine but later on the curriculum will put more pressure on me to take time off to study more. So, I take my time now while I have it to write something about her... that... I learn something about her every day.

Now, you get into a relationship, and you’re with a girl for almost a year, some call it the honeymoon period. But when does this end? And why does it? Does it really need to end? Does it really exist?

Well there’s no real answer to these questions, there are many different opinions... only the way oneself views it. My opinion of it is this...

You meet a person, they’re special to you. What you first see in that person is how everyone else perceives them, but you find the qualities of that person so much more important than others would. You’re now in this so called period. You’re a couple, and you’re ecstatic. You’re completely mellow in love.

You learn something new about your partner as the days go by. As you continue deeper into the relationship you learn some more. It could just be something dark and ugly... and it might just end there.

Though if true love perseveres, this period should last forever. If you love your partner, you will do anything, by any means to keep them happy, because you want to, and not just for their sake, but for yourself as well. There’s no need for a sad one sided love, for pushing it, may just end up in wasted time.

Well... to be honest, I don’t really believe in this period. For some who believe in it, fail to persevere in a relationship when it goes dull and often, ending in a lot of wasted time.

True love, perseveres. True love, brings you happiness.

I’ve found this girl. When I first met her, I was shy. Yet... something about her made me ask her for a second date. Luckily enough I got it. I eventually asked her to go out with me, to make it official. I’ve yet to regret it and she still makes me smile.

We’ve had our rough patches, and many more to come, but hopefully preventing any if possible. I’ve learned a lot about her over the approximate past 10 months. Yet, I still continue learning about her. Some things come to me as a surprise. Yet... my love for her perseveres...

The more I learn about her, the more I fall in love with her, deeper and deeper as the days go by...

I learn something about her everyday... and she’s just perfect to me.

I wanna spend the rest of my life, with you by my side

This is a post I promised to show her, the following morning. I write this on the way home sitting on the train waiting for her to tell me when she gets home safely, I myself anxious until she does. So... the reason..?

Well... we all have anxieties... Some not so worrying and others weigh heavily on our mind. The light ones are your everyday worries... that slowly wear you out over the day. Those are fine. Then you have the ones that weigh heavily on you.

They put so much weight on you that can’t sleep at night, at least not effectively. You lie in bed with thoughts running through your head, unable to stop worrying. You eventually fall asleep, but when you wake up... your eyes are heavy. You are once again reminded by your anxieties and the process repeats... compounding as the days go by.

What you need to do is stop worrying. Well of course if it was that easy you wouldn’t have a problem.

Sometimes, a little intervention does the trick. This works especially when you’re in a relationship, and you’re worried about it. Because of it, the stress... the confusion... the anxiety... may just make you fall... and lose the love of your life.

So this intervention I was speaking about... well... you’re in a relationship and what else is better than the comfort of your partner. If you just talk to them, you’ll soon realise the truth behind your anxieties... that they simply did not need to exist to begin with.

In a relationship, communication goes a long way. And sometimes, on your own initiative, if you see that something’s worrying your partner and if you think hard enough, you can do something about it.

I know a girl who worries all the time. She worries about me. If only she could tell me all her worries...

When I started to write this post... it was intended to ease her anxiety. Turns out she told me them, herself. How happy I was, to tell her that she didn’t need to worry, that the answers that she wanted, were simply given as she asked.

She is an amazing girl... that everything she isn’t, is not what I want. I want her... everything that she is. She is every bit the girl that I want.

This girl, I love, I want to spend the rest of my life with. Watching her fall asleep, in this case... realising she fell asleep messaging me, I find so cute. I wait till the day when I can fall asleep with her, by my side, a moment I’ll treasure every day of my life.

I miss you babe, every second you're not here with me. Sweet dreams, goodnight <3