It took me a whole night and day to reflect and contemplate... about the things that I have done. I have had little sleep, thinking about all the wrong I've done, just constantly thinking about it.
I had done something that had seriously damaged the relationship I had with her. Trust is something that is built with time. It's something that is really hard to build and a lot of effort is put in to it. I had put all that in jeopardy.
There was a lie. If it were just a simple lie, it would not have hurt this much and it was indeed a serious one.
I had a lie from the start.
The trust she had for me I had built was shattered... I had fallen. It was as if the whole relationship were a lie. Right from the start... there was a lie... an ugly, ugly lie.
I became the lowest person on earth. I felt so guilty... so pathetic, to hide something like this to her. My only wish was for her to forgive me.
And she did.
She gave me the benefit of the doubt. I have now become but almost a stranger to her. All the trust but gone, leaving just a fragment of hope for me.
That tiny fragment, I must now hold on to. I must re-kindle what was lost, starting anew.
Yet... all these feelings for her, I've held for her all this time has not changed. I love her still, am I worthy of her? I hope so...
Moreover, that fact that she's forgiven me has made me love her so much more, to give her the much needed respect, I didn't give by lying to her.
I had fallen... and she has helped me back up. I am determined to prove to her that my love for her is pure. That all this time I really did love her.
I love this girl so much. She means the world to me. I hope she has it in her to completely forgive the wrong I've done to her.
She is my angel, who has helped me so much. I love her so much, despite what she thinks of me now. I know words will not suffice and actions speak louder.
Only time will tell. But I really hope all goes well.
She makes me smile and I hope I can get back... her beautiful smile I love.
- 26/08/2011
No comments:
Post a Comment