I sit here, not knowing what to write... a pain in my chest stops me from doing so... I look at the words on the screen as I type them up, yet they are unclear.
I start to write with whatever comes to mind, my emotions continue to swell. I look at the time, slowly passing by...
It hurts to hurt someone you love, especially when you continue to hurt them, hurts more when you can’t avoid it at times. You feel as if it’s not meant to be, that you’re not good enough for them, that it wasn’t meant to be...
I can’t help but have mixed feelings...
When I hurt the one I love, it’s feels like I’m the source of her pain, and I just wish to disappear. Fade away, as if nothing had happened...
Yet deep inside, I wish for her to come back to me, to tell me it’s alright. That she forgives me, for what wrong I’ve done to her.
Yet when it comes time to fix things, the only thing that comes to mind is pain. Irrational conversations occur and things only get worse. Things said that aren’t meant, and yet it’s so hard to avoid it. Silence occurs... the worst thing you could do. It’s better to fight than not at all, yet... it’s the conclusion you make when it seems like anything you say hurts them anyway.
It’s a vicious cycle. One I want to break.
I sit here... with an irrational mind set not knowing what to do. I really wish I could disappear. This pain I’m feeling...
I sit here writing, not knowing what to write, hesitant to write... yet writing still... confused...
Still... I miss her...
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