Getting lazy

Up and down...

Up and down...

Up and down...

It's kinda strange how relationships work. Lots of fighting for some and for some hardly any at all.

Either way there will be ups and downs. Leaving you terribly confused. But don't threat! It's the reality of things.

No ones perfect. We make mistakes and then argue. But one phase comes to mind... You've got to be "consistant-ish". Solves everything!

No longer do we expect everything to be perfect from our partners. Still have arguents and for some relations, it may just be built on that.

So if everthing is consistant-ish I think you'll do well in your relationship.

So...

Up and Down...

Up and Down...

Up and Down...

Consistant-ish: Check [x]

And boy are those ups just amazing. Reminds you just why you're still together.

A post instead of a message

I love you so much baby...

My love for you grows day by day...

Its still been growing since the day I met you. These days I love you so much, I may just worry too much at times...

I hope we always stay together and I hope we can be together till we grow old.

One day we'd have kids. I would be so happy when you're pregant with my child. We'd have the cutest little kid.

You would be the best mother and I would be the best father.

I can't wait to get married babe. Yet alone plan for our engagement. I hope you will accept hehe.

We will have so much fun babe... there is so much to do with you and yet so little time. I'll never get tired of you.

Thanks for being my baby that I can depend on. You look past my appearances to find what is truly in my heart. You know that I love you. You know that I know that you love just as much.

You're the only girl I'd ever fallen in love with. Only girl that is my world. Everything I need is with you and I nothing else.

Three word's I say too much but never enough. I love you.

A quick post

The love of my life before me...

I don't know what the future will hold.
I want you to stay with me.
Always be aside me.

Be the partner that I can always depend on.

No matter what happens I hope we can stay together.

My first and last and all in between love. ♥

Happy 17 to 23 Monthsary

Hey everyone,

Not like anyone is reading this... but yes we are still here, were still together.

I still love this girl to bits but she may at times be hard to deal with. Truth be told I have lost my mind at times... dealing with things I dont understand.

Still puzzled about the word girl. Such confusing creatures they are. I've heard from mothers that boys are straight forward... simple and easy, but girls however aren't so straight. It's never yes or no... somehow a maybe. That's where things go wrong when a man and woman come together.

This man knows his own ways... she is but a puzzle. He will never fully figure this one out.

But he will always love her. Keep trying for her always be there for her.

Love her all the time, kiss her, hug her, keep her close to him. ♡

Ps. Apps are a useful feature and have made me less lazy to post in ages. Back to posting and happy times.

Being so close to you

I feel like I'm in heaven, being so close to you.

Knowing I can be there for you, even if I have to walk. I'll surprise you at your doorstep, when you least suspect and surprise you with gifts.

I feel so at ease... never before have I felt so happy in my life. I have been searching for someone to love me the way you do all my life.

Now... I have you and life gets happier each day. I can't wait to live with you, make a home for ourselves. I can't wait to marry you one day.

You are the perfect girl for me. Being this close to you, makes it so much better. Being closer to you, makes me look forward to the future.

I can't wait babe, I really can't, my future has brightened up when you walked into my life. I hope this blog reminds you how much I really do care about you.

And I'll always be there for you.

Happy 16th Monthsary

Happy 16th Monthsary Babe

Just letting you know...

I love you so...

I would do anything for love.
I would do anything for your love.

Just want you to know...
I love being around you.
I want to be kidnapped by you.
No matter how tired I am or what mood im in.

Take me away to a magical place, to be with you.
The most beautiful girl in the world.

Your tears are like diamonds so precious and pure.
I just wish I could tell what you were feeling because then I would have a love more precious than anything else in this world.

You are mt angel, my girl who I love most. I love you so much babe.

It was around this time you became mine and I became yours and I never regret being with you.

You have given me happiness that I've never had, that no one else could give.

I really love you babe, so much. <3

And, if you reply my response is... I love you more. <3

Happy 15th Monthsary

Happy 15th Monthsary Babe

Lets see... to begin...

I'm glad I'm back... I'm glad to be home. My home is with you, the girl of my dreams.

My whole life has never really made much sense... until I met you. 20 Years and 361 days of my life went by not knowing what purpose I had.

Ever since I met you, my life has changed. I've found a reason for living, I found it in you. Lost and confused I was, until I met you. You are the best thing that's happened in my life, I now have a reason to live. For a girl so precious to me that all I want to see is her smile.

You're the cutest girl in the world to me... no one surpasses you on any level. Only girl I want, only girl I need. You are so beautiful to me.

I've had crushes in the past... but I've never thought I would be with a girl so beautiful that the past just looks so plain and dull. No girl could ever compare... I've chosen you because I could never get sick of you, despite the small arguments we have. There's something special about you... that makes me so happy to be with you.

It was really hard to be away from you... I became lost and confused again... Yet I had hope of coming back to you... It kept me sane... the awesome messages you sent me. The times you called... I loved how much you cared for me, all the way from there.

You are my guardian angel, you keep me safe from a distance. I'm back in your arms... and I'll never leave them again.

I can't wait till the day, I wake up and your hand is in mine. Your face shining beautifully and each day I think to myself, damn she's so cute and beautiful.

All that is mine is yours... I share all things with you. I love you so much Babe.

You are my only. <3

Happy 14th Monthsary

This is my message to her over Facebook that I've sent to her when I was away on a family trip.

======================================================================

"Good morning Babe and Happy 14th Monthsary!

I am so glad I could see you too babe.

I don't know if it's just the short time away that I miss you more, but I think you grow more cute each day. Just as you grow cuter, my love for you grows stronger. I miss you so much babe. I can't sleep knowing I'm away from you once more (I have a tummy ache too!) and I vow never to be away again. I love you so much babe and I would do anything for your love and only your love, the love I love the most, even when I'm this far I feel it.

I love you babe so much xx"

======================================================================

I've finally had the chance to post this up. So I'll add a few words here too.

Who knew it would be so hard to be away from you and to experience it a second time. When you love someone so much and they're so far away from you, it just hurts so much. I could never have much fun at all while I was away from you. Even something I would normally would enjoy, just the thought of an experience without you, made me sad.

I never ever want to be apart from you and I'm sure you're relieved that I came back. I hope I can always be not too far away from you. I hope one day I can wake up to a beautiful girl next to me.

I love you so much babe <3

I'm glad I could see you on our 14th Monthsary even if it was over skype. <3

A Girl I Can't Stay Mad At

Once again, in the middle of the night, shes all that I think about.

I hope she knows how much I love her. That I will always forgive her. That she is absolutely amazing.

The times are hard, and stress always hits us hard. I being a carefree person, probably stresses her out a tad bit more. She's a little more stressed than usual and I hope her worries are over soon.

I hope everything she wants and hopes for comes to her.

I'll be her pillow that she goes to release her anger out on. I'll soften each worry, be there for her.

Sometimes you have to realize that its a good thing to have arguments at times. It means that they're willing to talk it out. Whatever you do, don't walk away from it. Face the problem and solve it together.

I'll keep doing this with her, for as long as I live. And for as long as I live, I will love her, forgive her.

I can't stay mad at her. <3

Happy 13th Monthsary

Well its been over a year now... this is our 13th month together. If you were superstitious then it would be the end of us.

Some say... that after one year, after the honeymoon period, the love is lost. It's the 13th month and so far so good.

Somehow... someway we have made it past 13 months.

I guess when think about it, that when other people have lost passion after a year... it gets to you. You become worried that this is all that it was meant to be... or it never should have been. So the 1 year will be something amazing... a couple days later though, it's back to the daily routine of life.

But the thing is... why does it have to stop there? Why should this moment during your 1 year together be the decider of what is to come? It may well have been so great... that each day forth is dull and boring in comparison. Why think that... that is all the relationship has to offer.

We live our daily lives... looking forward to the future and our dreams. If you are too impatient, the one you love the most might be lost. The future has many opportunities... I for one am looking forward to it.

For you see, I've made it past this month. I look forward to the next. From then, the next... and the next... until the hairs on my head turn grey and I'm sitting beside you, holding your hand, whispering in your ear...

I love you.

For now... I await a new day. To send you a message, to read this post.

It's been an amazing 13 months together. I say this once... and I say it again... and will forever say it... I love you babe <3

Well not quite time yet... needs to stay up to post it at the correct time. So I keep on writing...

My days are spent... thinking about you... you give me strength and passion to live. I had never lived my life before I met you... now I have a life to be proud of. I've found a girl who's willing to take my faults and forgive me for them. Who despite is always cranky... always means the best for me.

I'm sorry for all the times that I've wronged you... continue loving and forgiving me. You're an amazing girl to be able to do that.

I really hate this fly buzzing around the room. :@

I get mad at times... but for all the wrong reasons... I guess I get cranky too! I guess we have another thing in common... hahaha.

The one thing I love most about you... is that smile of yours. First time I saw it I fell madly in love with you. I can't stop thinking of how beautiful you are when you do. One of life's treasures is beauty. Beauty is all that I see in you... inside and out.

Stupid fly... go away! :@

Babe... it's been an amazing 13 months together. I really do love you, like I say I do. I've never used the word so much. It's constantly on my mind when I think about you. You are my love.

I hope you enjoy this day... it may be short... but it will be amazing.

For every moment spent with you, is a moment I treasure. <3

The Hidden Message

Well... another late night, here I am writing. It has taken me around a month or two to realize... when I set my alarm to 4am to write a post... it most likely isn't going to happen. So like how I said in the previous post, I'm writing mini shorter to the point ones, instead of the long belated ones I've been trying to achieve.

And so here we go...

There's a hidden message behind each word said. Behind every emotion... because simply... it's hard to communicate. We sometimes are in fear of what the other may feel about a certain topic. And so... our actions or words... try to send this hidden message across.

It is up to you... to find this hidden message out. Or... just pure luck to stumble upon a book, a poem, or a note... which will unfold the truth behind things.

In any relationship... you need to dig deep, and try understand your partner. It's tough work I tell you... but at the same time... that's the fun of it.

Learn about your partner... cherish them... find out how they think... and... you'll find yourself deeply in love with them. That is... if you truly are in love.

Which I definitely am. <3

I on a day to day basis, of every second of every minute of every hour... am constantly thinking about you. I spend my day trying to learn more about you and... I tell you... I take great joy in it.

So when your partner is a little sulky... stop and think about it... it'll keep the love alive.

Find the hidden message... find it before it's too late.

Happy 12 Months, First Anniversary

Lets just say I've been busy. Spending more time than ever with this girl I love. Every moment I treasure with her. She is simply amazing. She has made my life finally worth the wait. Finally I can enjoy it... for I have found the girl who makes me happy.

What can I say? She's amazing. I love this girl, and while I've been slacking off on making regular posts the past few months, I've constantly been thinking about what to put here. My requirement to constantly post has diminished... however... It just means I'll take a different approach to it. I'll make it more simple... more shorter... that way... I can actually post all the things I want to and... everything and anything on my mind.

The new posting style will be so that I stop thinking so much about writing a post and actually write it instead.

Well this is a quick post of many posts to come and to finish it off I'll just say these few extra lines.

I had an amazing time, for our Anniversary. You are my angel. You are everything I've wanted in life and yet you exceed my expectations every time. You brighten up my life everyday and I don't know how I lived before I met you. You make my life happy and I will make yours the same. I love you babe and you girl are my one and only. The one girl I share all my hopes and dreams on. The one who I will one day marry. The one who I will grow old with. I will always be on your side. I will always be there for you.

Just as you will always be there for me. <3

Happy 11th Monthsary

Part 3/3

So... once again here I am... sitting here. In front of my desk, in front of my computer, in front of this screen I am looking at as I type away. It is... 11:07pm... let’s see how much I can write as a message to you babe.

Here goes...

This month has been very busy. I stopped my studies to find a job. I found a job. You found a career path. You had your birthday. I saw you almost every day this month.

What can I say...?

It’s always great to see a beautiful smile on you babe.

You have helped me through thick and thin... encouraged me to succeed, encouraged me to do more... and to live life. So, I stopped my studies, to help you and to create our future.

During my search for a job, you encouraged me to keep searching, you helped me in my confidence, and you helped me to persevere. Your smile, time after time, illuminated after I gave you news of an interview. Made me that much happier to give it a go. You were by my side the whole time while I was looking for a job, not caring about if I could succeed or not. <3

Of course, through your help and encouragement, I landed a job, now only to spoil you so much more than ever before. You’ve had a tough life and you can relax now that your man is here.

I hope you do well in your career and I am behind you all the way. Although it will get busy and I hope it doesn’t affect the time we spend together.

We spent a lot of time this month preparing for your birthday, it was a ball. You were the star of the night and I made sure you would get some spotlight. I hope you liked my gift that I got for you. I spent many hours finding cards and the perfect gift for the night, to make you feel special and appreciated. You now realise why I always had glitter on myself (cards covered in glitter, etc.). You could say I was “sparkling” having fun trying to surprise you on the first birthday party since I met you.

You were an angel, from the day I met you. Admittedly, I was shy, I was hesitant, yet something made me come back for more. There was something about your smile, about your eyes, that I couldn’t help but smile.

My smile is rare. I grin, when something’s weird. I laugh when something’s hysterical. Rarely do I smile, until I met you.

I smiled, I smiled, and I smiled... after each night I saw you. You were amazing. I could not help but have this feeling I’ve never felt before in my life... love. I fell in love you with you 11 months ago. I still love you to this day. I love you more than ever... as each day passes by. Only telling me how much you love me back. I want to stay with you forever. I want to always be by your side, I will never leave your side.

I’ll be everything you want me to be, while still being the person you fell in love with. I will always be sweet to you, as I always love being with you, spending time with you. You are my ecstasy, the only one I crave. Your every being is all that I want, all that I need. You are everything to me.

I love you babe, I say it as many times as need be, will always say it as it’s never said enough.

Happy 11th Monthsary Babe <3

Let’s have dinner tonight, just you and me. <3

Happy 10 months

My short 10 month message to her...

"Happy 10 month Monthsary. I hope you liked my contribution to your car. My life, I devote to you. Money is not important to me, so I give it all to you. Hoping you find happiness in my efforts for you.

It’s moments like these, I reflect on the time we’ve had together and I don’t regret one bit, spending all this time with you. You mean so much to me... I wish you could only see. I hope our love keeps growing.

I hope we stay together forever, I love you babe."

Where one falls, the other can lift

It took me a whole night and day to reflect and contemplate... about the things that I have done. I have had little sleep, thinking about all the wrong I've done, just constantly thinking about it.

I had done something that had seriously damaged the relationship I had with her. Trust is something that is built with time. It's something that is really hard to build and a lot of effort is put in to it. I had put all that in jeopardy.

There was a lie. If it were just a simple lie, it would not have hurt this much and it was indeed a serious one.

I had a lie from the start.

The trust she had for me I had built was shattered... I had fallen. It was as if the whole relationship were a lie. Right from the start... there was a lie... an ugly, ugly lie.

I became the lowest person on earth. I felt so guilty... so pathetic, to hide something like this to her. My only wish was for her to forgive me.

And she did.

She gave me the benefit of the doubt. I have now become but almost a stranger to her. All the trust but gone, leaving just a fragment of hope for me.

That tiny fragment, I must now hold on to. I must re-kindle what was lost, starting anew.

Yet... all these feelings for her, I've held for her all this time has not changed. I love her still, am I worthy of her? I hope so...

Moreover, that fact that she's forgiven me has made me love her so much more, to give her the much needed respect, I didn't give by lying to her.

I had fallen... and she has helped me back up. I am determined to prove to her that my love for her is pure. That all this time I really did love her.

I love this girl so much. She means the world to me. I hope she has it in her to completely forgive the wrong I've done to her.

She is my angel, who has helped me so much. I love her so much, despite what she thinks of me now. I know words will not suffice and actions speak louder.

Only time will tell. But I really hope all goes well.

She makes me smile and I hope I can get back... her beautiful smile I love.

- 26/08/2011

I learn something about her everyday

So once again, before I sleep... I contemplate on what to write. My mind is flooded with many thoughts only about her, anything related to her. The first thing that comes to mind is... well I’m back to university, back to study, back to being unable to see her whenever I feel like. The first few weeks back, will be fine but later on the curriculum will put more pressure on me to take time off to study more. So, I take my time now while I have it to write something about her... that... I learn something about her every day.

Now, you get into a relationship, and you’re with a girl for almost a year, some call it the honeymoon period. But when does this end? And why does it? Does it really need to end? Does it really exist?

Well there’s no real answer to these questions, there are many different opinions... only the way oneself views it. My opinion of it is this...

You meet a person, they’re special to you. What you first see in that person is how everyone else perceives them, but you find the qualities of that person so much more important than others would. You’re now in this so called period. You’re a couple, and you’re ecstatic. You’re completely mellow in love.

You learn something new about your partner as the days go by. As you continue deeper into the relationship you learn some more. It could just be something dark and ugly... and it might just end there.

Though if true love perseveres, this period should last forever. If you love your partner, you will do anything, by any means to keep them happy, because you want to, and not just for their sake, but for yourself as well. There’s no need for a sad one sided love, for pushing it, may just end up in wasted time.

Well... to be honest, I don’t really believe in this period. For some who believe in it, fail to persevere in a relationship when it goes dull and often, ending in a lot of wasted time.

True love, perseveres. True love, brings you happiness.

I’ve found this girl. When I first met her, I was shy. Yet... something about her made me ask her for a second date. Luckily enough I got it. I eventually asked her to go out with me, to make it official. I’ve yet to regret it and she still makes me smile.

We’ve had our rough patches, and many more to come, but hopefully preventing any if possible. I’ve learned a lot about her over the approximate past 10 months. Yet, I still continue learning about her. Some things come to me as a surprise. Yet... my love for her perseveres...

The more I learn about her, the more I fall in love with her, deeper and deeper as the days go by...

I learn something about her everyday... and she’s just perfect to me.

I wanna spend the rest of my life, with you by my side

This is a post I promised to show her, the following morning. I write this on the way home sitting on the train waiting for her to tell me when she gets home safely, I myself anxious until she does. So... the reason..?

Well... we all have anxieties... Some not so worrying and others weigh heavily on our mind. The light ones are your everyday worries... that slowly wear you out over the day. Those are fine. Then you have the ones that weigh heavily on you.

They put so much weight on you that can’t sleep at night, at least not effectively. You lie in bed with thoughts running through your head, unable to stop worrying. You eventually fall asleep, but when you wake up... your eyes are heavy. You are once again reminded by your anxieties and the process repeats... compounding as the days go by.

What you need to do is stop worrying. Well of course if it was that easy you wouldn’t have a problem.

Sometimes, a little intervention does the trick. This works especially when you’re in a relationship, and you’re worried about it. Because of it, the stress... the confusion... the anxiety... may just make you fall... and lose the love of your life.

So this intervention I was speaking about... well... you’re in a relationship and what else is better than the comfort of your partner. If you just talk to them, you’ll soon realise the truth behind your anxieties... that they simply did not need to exist to begin with.

In a relationship, communication goes a long way. And sometimes, on your own initiative, if you see that something’s worrying your partner and if you think hard enough, you can do something about it.

I know a girl who worries all the time. She worries about me. If only she could tell me all her worries...

When I started to write this post... it was intended to ease her anxiety. Turns out she told me them, herself. How happy I was, to tell her that she didn’t need to worry, that the answers that she wanted, were simply given as she asked.

She is an amazing girl... that everything she isn’t, is not what I want. I want her... everything that she is. She is every bit the girl that I want.

This girl, I love, I want to spend the rest of my life with. Watching her fall asleep, in this case... realising she fell asleep messaging me, I find so cute. I wait till the day when I can fall asleep with her, by my side, a moment I’ll treasure every day of my life.

I miss you babe, every second you're not here with me. Sweet dreams, goodnight <3

Happy 9 months being with you, so far

Well... it’s almost 2 o’clock at night and after just writing a post, I’m writing this one, another one. This one post, I will let her read and I hope she doesn’t venture off and read the others. You better not!

Now... every month I try doing something special for this girl of mine. Just to say, how much she means to me as the months go by. I myself am surprised that I keep managing to find things to do for her. 9 months ago, I would have never imagined a relationship that would have lasted this long.

Well... cats have 9 lives and I know how much you hate cats. If for every month a piece of our relationship amounted to a cat’s life, and that life is lost each time... then that would mean that our relationship is over. But if I see you today it would mean that you don’t view me as one and it was meant to be. I hope so. To be honest, this is just me being random and adding cats for some laughs, and to tease.

Our relationship is not transparent and means something, it means more than everything to me. I love you, and I continue to love you to this day, and will always love you.

Arguments in relationships are quite normal, heck a lot of them are because of rather silly things. That are taken for granted, that would not occur if they were someone else. That reason, despite the hurt from an argument, means that they’re taking advantage of the ability to talk to you. That... means a lot. That means I love you. Of course that doesn’t mean I ever intend to hurt you either. Far from it that I would want to hurt the one I love, for it only hurts myself as well.

9 months have passed. I love you and I can’t wait to reflect back on the next month ahead, as time passes by, so quickly, as I enjoy being with you. There’s not a moment I stop thinking about you.

I can’t wait to see you today. Happy 9 months Babe. Happy 9 months being with you, so far... and still... and always.

Oh yeah... you’re so cute <3

I suddenly realise I only reviewed some of the silly stuff, and in turn, I write some more... off into the lonely night ahead, awaiting the morning when I see you, hopefully.

This month was an amazing month. Now... what’s the difference you ask? It’s been an amazing time seeing you a lot more often this month. We’ve been able to do lots of talking, about random things to topics of interest. Doing stuff together and having lots of fun. We went out heaps for dinner. We did a lot of planning and shopping. This month was definitely more hectic than I expected, and it’s been a fun one.

Now you may ask... why am I being so vague about what we did? It could be that I am conveniently hiding the fact that I forgot what we did. Maybe... just maybe... you’re right.

Fortunately you’re not. I’m thinking about all the things we did together this month while writing it like that on purpose. Yes... A very convenient excuse isn’t it. It’s to prevent the possibility of some crazy person tracking us down or just simply for privacy. In which I conceal as much personal information as possible, being vague in my posts.

Anyhow, I must be getting some sleep soon, I should be fine, don’t worry. I know you’re sound asleep right now, and you’re looking incredibly cute right now, as you do when you’re peacefully sound asleep(despite the fact, technically I can’t visually see at the moment).

I love you babe, and still... and always.

The truth will set you free

A relationship should be free from lies and secrets, especially those that may affect it. What goes through a person’s mind when they lie? Why do they need to hide such secrets? The answer lies within their motive.

There are two kinds of people. The ones who like to live a lie, and those afraid of the truth.

Let’s begin with the ones who like to lie... Why do they lie? Is it because they simply like to make fools out of people for the fun of it? Possibly... or do they live in denial?

Then there are those who are afraid. What are they afraid of? Is it because the truth hurts? Possibly... or do they fear hurting the one they love most?

Well... to those who like to live a lie, why are you still in a relationship? Why are you hurting the people you touch, hurting yourself, making a fool out of yourself, wasting your time, wasting your partners time, adding misery to those around you and without a care in the world? Well you’re in for a surprise... your life sucks. It’s marked by desperation, despair and loneliness. You make your own life terrible.

Well... there’s good news for you. Stop wasting your time, wasting others, you’ll soon realise... that the lie was your adversary, to really... enjoy life.

Truth... it’s something that always hurts. We are told lies from the moment we are born. To hear the truth... challenges the lies that we are told. No wonder... the truth is hard to hear. No wonder... people are afraid of the truth. Yet to those who are afraid... they do not realise that the truth will set them free. Still... you are hurting yourself, and the one you love. You’re holding that piece of information that makes you lose sleep, if your partner finds out they too lose sleep, wondering... You need to let go of it, and tell the truth. If you don’t your relationship may suffer as a result.

Unfortunately... there may be a downside to the truth behind your lie and secret, it may truly, really hurt. You may just lose the one you love the most. Yet... if you truly love them, you would go as far to tell the truth, to hurt yourself temporarily, to hurt your partner, to re-gain the trust of your loved one, even if you lose them. Even if you do, you’ll still have a good friend, someone who will look out for you and always be there for help in times of need. Yet... there’s hope. Time passes by... and love might spark again.

Fortunately... there’s a chance... that such a lie, such a secret, your partner... really just wants you to tell them the truth... that it doesn’t matter, that they’ll help, that they want to remove your anxieties, because they love you so much. They want to help you, in order to make the relationship grow deeper than ever.

The truth does indeed hurt. Yet, it’s already been forgotten. Yet it doesn't change the fact that I love you, that I’ll be with you with you for countless years to come.

As if writing in vain

I sit here, not knowing what to write... a pain in my chest stops me from doing so... I look at the words on the screen as I type them up, yet they are unclear.

I start to write with whatever comes to mind, my emotions continue to swell. I look at the time, slowly passing by...

It hurts to hurt someone you love, especially when you continue to hurt them, hurts more when you can’t avoid it at times. You feel as if it’s not meant to be, that you’re not good enough for them, that it wasn’t meant to be...

I can’t help but have mixed feelings...

When I hurt the one I love, it’s feels like I’m the source of her pain, and I just wish to disappear. Fade away, as if nothing had happened...

Yet deep inside, I wish for her to come back to me, to tell me it’s alright. That she forgives me, for what wrong I’ve done to her.

Yet when it comes time to fix things, the only thing that comes to mind is pain. Irrational conversations occur and things only get worse. Things said that aren’t meant, and yet it’s so hard to avoid it. Silence occurs... the worst thing you could do. It’s better to fight than not at all, yet... it’s the conclusion you make when it seems like anything you say hurts them anyway.

It’s a vicious cycle. One I want to break.

I sit here... with an irrational mind set not knowing what to do. I really wish I could disappear. This pain I’m feeling...

I sit here writing, not knowing what to write, hesitant to write... yet writing still... confused...

Still... I miss her...